the unconscious and its relevance to therapy
The term “unconscious” refers to the parts of our mental processing that we are not directly aware of. Think about riding a bike; when you are learning to ride you have to consciously think about what you are doing but once you have mastered the skill it becomes an unconscious process, i.e. something that happens automatically without you thinking about it. As human beings we are constantly learning, and much of this (like how to ride a bike) becomes part of our unconscious mind. As we grow we learn how to relate to other people, what love looks like, what safety looks like, and we learn a whole host of assumptions about how to navigate the world. Over time these enter our unconscious mind. As adults we take these for granted and are unlikely to pay much attention to the fact that every single one of our experiences has contributed to shaping our unconscious assumptions about what the world is like and has also contributed to shaping how we experience the world.
Often my clients come to me because they are experiencing feelings that “don’t make sense”. For example; they have a great life but feel low a lot of the time, they know they are safe but feel anxious, they feel stuck and don’t know why, they feel they know what they should be doing but can’t seem to get themselves to do it, or they know what is causing them an issue but the issue hasn’t resolved. This feeling of not making sense occurs because at least part of what is going on for these clients is unconscious. As long as mental conflicts remain unconscious we cannot resolve them. It is really disconcerting and sometimes distressing to feel like there is something is going on inside us that we are not fully aware of and don’t understand. In sessions I listen carefully to what my clients say, but I also listen to what they don’t say. I think about their omissions, their body language, the tone of what they say, and what the relationship is like between myself and the client because this can give me and my clients clues as to what is going on for them unconsciously. As my relationship with my client grows and they begin to trust me, we can begin together to observe what our relationship is like, how my client reacts to our work, and we can begin to build up a picture of what experiencing the world is like for them, and bring more of their unconscious into conscious awareness.
It is not uncommon for people who have realised something in therapy to say something like “I think I’ve always known this but not really known it”. There is a very different feeling to existing in the world being half-aware that something is “up” and that you feel a bit off and weird, to being able to fully articulate what’s going on and experience your feelings rather than pushing them away. When the things that have been unconsciously influencing your life become consciously known to you, there is a sense of integration, a sense that you are the captain of your ship and able to make decisions about your own life, rather than feeling compelled and pulled around by murky feelings that feel alien to you. This is what my clients and I hope to achieve together.
